What's yellow, weighs 1,000 pounds, and sings?
(Two 500 pound canaries!)

What did the 500 pound canary say?
(Here Kitty, Kitty!)

Daughter: Mum, can I have a canary for Christmas?
Mum: NO! You'll have turkey like everyone else.

What does an evil hen lay?
(Deviled eggs!)

Where do tough chickens come from?
(Hard-boiled eggs!)

Why did the chicken cross the road?
(To get to the other side!)

Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
(It was stuck to the chicken's foot!)

Why did the turkey cross the road?
(It was the chicken's day off!)

Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
(To prove he wasn't chicken!)

What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
(An eggroll!)

A rooster laid an egg on a barn roof. Which way would it roll?
(Roosters don't lay eggs, hens do!)

Where do you find a chicken with no legs?
(Exactly where you left it!)

What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
(Foul weather!)

What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster?
(Cockerpoodledoo!)

Chickens rise when the rooster crows, but when do ducks get up?
(At the quack of dawn!)

Why do hens lay eggs?
(If they dropped them, they'd break!)

How do chickens bake a cake?
(From scratch!)

Why can't a rooster ever get rich?
(Because he works for chicken feed!)

What's the most musical part of a chicken?
(The drumstick!)

Why did the chicken go to the seance?
(To get to the other side!)

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cow?
(Roost beef!)

If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does chicken come from?
(A poul-tree!)

What's a haunted chicken?
(A poultry-geist!)

What's a henway?
(About 5 pounds!)

Silly girl: Why does your son say, "Cluck, cluck, cluck".
Mrs. Poulet: Because he thinks he's a chicken .
Silly girl: Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?
Mrs. Poulet: Because we need the eggs.

What geometric figure is like a lost parrot?
(A polygon!)

What happens when a duck flies upside down?
(It quacks up!)

What did the duck say after he went shopping?
(Put it on my bill!)

What do you call a crate of ducks?
(A box of quackers!)

What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
(Foul weather!)

When a duck has no money, what does it tell the waiter?
(Put it on my bill!)

Which animal grows down?
(A duck!)

What's the difference between a duck with one wing and a duck with two wings?
(Why, that's a difference of a pinion!)

Who stole the soap?
(The robber ducky!)

What do ducks watch on TV?
(Duckumentaries!)

Chickens rise when the rooster crows, but when do ducks get up?
(At the quack of dawn!)

What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
(A growl)

Why did the owl say, "Tweet, tweet"?
(Because she didn't give a hoot!)

What is an owl's favorite subject?
(Owl-gebra!)

Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Who.
Who who?
Are you an owl?

What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot?
(A carrot!)

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
(A carrot!)

What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot?
(A walkie-talkie!)

Where does a penguin keep its money?
(In a snow bank!)

Why did the penguin cross the road?
(To go with the floe!)

Where do penguins go to the movies?
(At the dive-in!)

What's a penguin's favorite salad?
(Iceberg lettuce!)

What do penguins have for lunch?
(Icebergers!)

How does a penguin make pancakes?
(With its flippers!)

Who's the penguin's favorite Aunt?
(Aunt-Arctica!)

What do you get when you cross a penguin and an alligator?
(I don't know, but don't try to fix its bow tie!)

Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
(Because they don't have any pockets!)

What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
(Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow!)

What's black and white, black and white, and black and white?
(A penguin rolling down a hill!)

Why are penguins good race drivers?
(Because they're always in the pole position!)

What do penguins eat for lunch?
(Ice burg-ers!)

How does a penguin build its house?
(Igloos it together!)

How do penguins drink?
(Out of beak-ers!)

Who's the head of the penguin navy?
(Admiral Byrd!)

What do you call fifty penguins at the North Pole?
(Really lost, because penguins live in the Southern Hemisphere!)

Which side of a penguin has the most feathers?
(The outside!)

What's black, white and red all over?
(A penguin with a sunburn!)

Why don't you see penguins in Britain?
(Because they're afraid of Wales!)