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Farm Jokes and Riddles

What new crop did the farmer plant? (Beets me!) Why shouldn't you tell a secret on a farm? (Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!) Farmers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, turn-ip the covers, en-dive into bed!) What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? (Where's pop?) What is a sheep's favorite game? (Baa-dminton!) Why did the cabbage win the race? (Because it was ahead!) Why was the cucumber mad? (Because it was in a pickle!)

What is a scarecrow's favorite fruit? (Straw-berries!) Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize? (Because he was out standing in his field!) What day do potatoes hate the most? (Fry-day!) What's orange and sounds like a parrot? (A carrot!) Knock Knock! Who's there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, we're freezing.

Chicken Jokes:

What does a mixed-up hen lay? (Scrambled eggs!) What does an evil hen lay? (Deviled eggs!) Where do tough chickens come from? (Hard-boiled eggs!) Why did the chicken cross the road? (To get to the other side!) Why did the chewing gum cross the road? (It was stuck to the chicken's foot!) Why did the turkey cross the road? (It was the chicken's day off!) Why did the turkey cross the road twice? (To prove he wasn't chicken!) What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? (An eggroll!) A rooster laid an egg on a barn roof. Which way would it roll? (Roosters don't lay eggs, hens do!) Where do you find a chicken with no legs? (Exactly where you left it!) What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks? (Foul weather!) What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster? (Cockerpoodledoo!) Chickens rise when the rooster crows, but when do ducks get up? (At the quack of dawn!)

Which side of a chicken has the most feathers? (The outside!) Why do hens lay eggs? (If they dropped them, they'd break!) How do chickens bake a cake? (From scratch!) Why can't a rooster ever get rich? (Because he works for chicken feed!) What's the most musical part of a chicken? (The drumstick!) Why did the chicken go to the seance? (To get to the other side!) What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cow? (Roost beef!) If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does chicken come from? (A poul-tree!) What's a haunted chicken? (A poultry-geist!) What's a henway? (About 5 pounds!) Silly girl: Why does your son say, "Cluck, cluck, cluck". Mrs. Poulet: Because he thinks he's a chicken . Silly girl: Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken? Mrs. Poulet: Because we need the eggs.

Cow Jokes:

What do you get from a pampered cow? (Spoiled milk!) What do you call a cow with two legs? (Lean beef!) What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground beef!) Where do cows go for entertainment? (To the moo-vies!) What do you get when you cross an octopus and a cow? (An animal that can milk itself!) What is a cow's favorite day? (Moo-years Day!) What did the farmer call the cow that had no milk? (An udder failure!) What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cow? (Roost beef!) What happened to the lost cattle? (Nobody's herd!) Why can't you shock cows? (They've herd it all!) Have you heard about the cow astronaut? (He landed on the moooon!)

Why did the cow cross the road? (To get to the udder side!) Why do cows wear bells? (Their horns don't work!) What do you get when you cross a cow and a goat? (A coat!) What do you call a sleeping bull? (A bull-dozer!) What do you call a grumpy cow? (Moo-dy!) What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? (Laughing stock!) What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument? (A Moo-sician!) Knock Knock! Who's there? Cowsgo Cowsgo who? No they don't, cows-go moo. Knock Knock! Who's there? Interrupting cow Interrupting cow wh... Moo!

Dog Jokes:

What do you get when you cross a Rottweiler and a collie? (A dog who bites you, and then goes for help!) What animal keeps the best time? (A watch dog!) When is a dog not a dog? (When it is pure bred/bread!) Why don't dogs make good dancers? (Because they have two left feet!) What dog loves to take bubble baths? (A shampoodle!) What type of markets do dogs avoid? (Flea markets!) Why don't blind people like to sky dive? (Because it scares their guide dog!) Why did the dachshund bite the woman's ankle? (Because he couldn't reach any higher!) Why did the snowman call his dog "Frost"? (Because Frost-bites!) Why do you need a license for a dog and not for a cat? (Cats can't drive!) What do you call a nutty dog in Australia? (A dingo-ling!) How do you catch a runaway dog? (Make a noise like a bone!) When is a black dog not a black dog? (When it's a greyhound!) What do you call young dogs who play in the snow? (Slush puppies!) Why do dogs run in circles? (Because it's too hard to run in squares!) What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an Australian dog? (Dingo Starr!) Why do you get if you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier? (A hot-diggity-dog!) What do you call a black Alaskan dog? (A dusky husky!) What do you call a great dog detective? (Sherlock Bones!) Why is a tree like a big dog? (They both have lot of bark!) What are caterpillars afraid of? (Doger-pillars!) Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. How do fleas travel from place to place? (By itch-hiking?)

What happens when it rains cats and dogs? (You might step in a poodle!) What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper? (Ruff!) What did one flea say to the other? (Should we walk or take a dog?) What do you call a dog that is left handed? (A south paw!) What's worse than raining cats and dogs? (Hailing taxis!) What do you get if you cross a dog and an airplane? (A jet setter!) What do dogs have that no other animals have? (Puppies!) Where do Eskimos train their dogs? (In the mush room!) What breed of dog does Dracula have? (A bloodhound!) What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window? (Two dogs barking outside your window!) What do you call a happy Lassie? (A jolly collie!) What kind of dog likes to smell flowers? (A bud hound) What do you call a dog with no legs? (It doesn't matter what you call him, he still won't come!) What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster? (Cockerpoodledoo!) What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog? (A croaker spaniel!) How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster? (Terrier-fied!) When does a dog go "moo"? (When it is learning a new language!) What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? (It barked with de-light!) What do dogs eat at the movies? (Pup-corn!) What is a dog's favorite dessert? (Pup-cakes!) Is it raining cats and dogs? (It's okay, as long as it doesn't rein-deer!) Did you hear about the dog that gave birth to puppies at the side of the road? (She got a ticket for littering!) In the winter my dog wears his coat. In the summer he wears his coat and pants!

Duck Jokes:

What does a duck like to eat with soup? (Quackers!) What geometric figure is like a lost parrot? (A polygon!) What happens when a duck flies upside down? (It quacks up!) What did the duck say after he went shopping? (Put it on my bill!) What do you call a crate of ducks? (A box of quackers!) What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks? (Foul weather!)

How do you get down off an elephant? (You don't, you get down off a duck!) When a duck has no money, what does it tell the waiter? (Put it on my bill!) Which animal grows down? (A duck!) What's the difference between a duck with one wing and a duck with two wings? (Why, that's a difference of a pinion!) Who stole the soap? (The robber ducky!) What do ducks watch on TV? (Duckumentaries!) Chickens rise when the rooster crows, but when do ducks get up? (At the quack of dawn!)

Egg Jokes:

What does a mixed-up hen lay? (Scrambled eggs!) What does an evil hen lay? (Deviled eggs!) Where do tough chickens come from? (Hard-boiled eggs!) What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? (An eggroll!) A rooster laid an egg on a barn roof. Which way would it roll? (Roosters don't lay eggs, hens do!)

Why do hens lay eggs? (If they dropped them, they'd break!) Did you hear the joke about the broken egg? (Yes, it cracked me up!) Where do you get frogs' eggs? (At the spawn shop!) Silly girl: Why does your son say, "Cluck, cluck, cluck"? Mrs. Poulet: Because he thinks he's a chicken. Silly girl: Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken? Mrs. Poulet: Because we need the eggs.

Horse Jokes:

What type of horses only go out at night? (Nightmares!) What did the pony say when it had a sore throat? (I'm a little hoarse!) Why did the boy stand behind the horse? (He thought he might get a kick out of it!) How long should a racehorse's legs be? (Long enough to reach the ground!) What type of horse can jump higher than a house? (All of them. Houses can't jump!) What do you give a sick horse? (Cough stirrup!)

Why did the farmer ride his horse to town? (It was too heavy to carry!) When does a horse talk? (Whinny wants to!) What's the difference between a horse and the weather? (One is reined up and the other rains down!) What sickness do horses hate the most? (Hay fever!) What do you call a horse that lives next door? (A neigh-bor!) What does it mean if you find a horseshoe in the road? (Some poor horse is walking around in his socks!) Patient: Doctor, I feel like a pony! Doctor: Don't worry, you're just a little hoarse!

Pig Jokes:

Why did the pig become an actor? (Because he was a ham.) What kind of pigs know karate? (Pork chops!) What kind of ties do pigs wear? (Pigs-ties!) What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig? (A teddy boar!)

Why did the pig take a bath? (The farmer said, "Hogwash"!) What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with a pig? (Jurassic Pork) What do you give a sick pig? (Oink-ment!)

Turkey Jokes:

What key won't open any door? (A turkey!) Why did the turkey cross the road? (It was the chicken's day off!) Why did the chewing gum cross the road? (It was stuck on the turkey's foot!) Why did the turkey cross the road twice? (To prove he wasn't chicken!) What do you get when a turkey lays an egg on top of a barn? (An eggroll!) Where do you find a turkey with no legs? (Exactly where you left it!) What do you call it when it rains turkeys? (Foul weather!) Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? (To hatchet!)

Why did the police arrest the turkey? (They suspected it of fowl play!) Which side of a turkey has the most feathers? (The outside!) Why do turkeys lay eggs? (If they dropped them, they'd break!) What's the most musical part of a turkey? (The drumstick!) If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does turkey come from? (A poul-tree!) Daughter: Mum, can I have a canary for Christmas? Mum: NO! You'll have turkey like everyone else. What happened when the turkey got into a fight? (He got the stuffing knocked out of him!) What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? (The turkey!)

Related Activities:

Farm Theme Page Activities and worksheets about the farm.

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